I bet Putin is behind this.

Could this be Divine Intervention? God heard Donald Trump making fun of Greta Thunberg and decided: that’s it.  I’ve had it with you silly humans. Especially of the old white male variety. What is the world coming to if a grown man with orange hair makes fun of a young, passionate woman whose only mission is to save the planet? I will give Greta a hand and spread the Coronavirus. I will inject a bat with a pesky and sometimes lethal virus that spreads like wildfire. People will be forced to stop travelling. The world population will be reduced. Car companies will make fewer cars because they are missing parts from China. People will order less from Amazon, because the delivery times are so uncertain that it’s not gratifying anymore. And just like magic, carbon emissions are suddenly reduced.

Problem solved.

 Something tells me things will never be the same.

I am not an agent of the apocalypse, but when everyone else starts acting a little crazy around you, it can be contagious. Maybe even more contagious than Corona. At the very least, you develop some conspiracy theories.  For example: Why are Italians so Coronavirus testing happy?  Isn’t it odd that there are so many more cases of Covid19 in Italy than in other nations? Is there some special interest group behind this test? Surely, someone is making a profit here.  Who could it be? The Mafia, the Vatican? Putin?

 That’s it. When all else fails, blame the Russians.  

 Today I stopped shaking people’s hands.  The Italian government suggests keeping a one-meter distance and avoiding any physical contact, no handshaking, no hugging, no kissing. I wonder if Tinder will put a big notice on their app with a disclaimer “MEET IN PERSON AT YOUR OWN RISK. BUT IF YOU DO MEET, KEEP MIN. ONE METER DISTANCE”.  If you were worried about the state of human relationships already, just imagine what will happen now that we cannot meet in person. The Netflix series LOVE IS BLIND feels strangely prophetic. Maybe that is the future of dating. (Quick aside: If you want to start as a side hustle as an online sex worker, I think now is the time to do it.)

With the prohibition around events it also feels like a great time to start a kind of cultural speakeasy. Unite people in homes to read poetry and drink champagne. If all cultural events are cancelled, let’s make our own.  History has shown that cultural repression can lead to great creativity. So, it is in that spirit that I am starting to write this diary.  

Enjoy.